原秋葉 (Hara Akiha) (
pictureustogether) wrote2006-10-20 12:49 am
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Go indirect peer pressure, go!
INTERVIEW/ESSAY MEME AND YOU LOVE IT OKAY GO. Feel free to ask anything about any of my charas (Gojyo, Akiha, Tokitoh, Nuriko, Amelia, Renji) or their canons or... just, whatever.
Won't respond right away because I'm kind of scattered at the moment, but at least it'll give me a reason to stop slacking on the various essays I owe people h-hi.
Won't respond right away because I'm kind of scattered at the moment, but at least it'll give me a reason to stop slacking on the various essays I owe people h-hi.
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PART ONE.
Akiha loves Sempai, we all know that. However, things that have been happening during the course of these past few months, have sort of messed with their relationship in many ways. I think it all started around the time Axel and Akiha bodyswitched? But yeah, as it's been mentioned before, Akiha really really truly believes Umeda and Axel should be dating. At first he was completely jealous and possessive of the doctor, but as things kept happening... as he had the chance to see them together and to talk more with Axel. He honestly think the Nobody could make the doctor happy, and so is completely willing to step back and let them be together.
Problem is, they can't be together. Because Axel has a tiny cute possessive boyfriend of his own who'd probably be better off dating someone else, because Axel sucks a lot (this all in Akiha's mind). Also, note how Akiha thinks Axel would be great for Umeda, but not for Roxas. Yeah... uh. I don't know.
Meanwhile, Akiha started falling for Ayame and it took him a good 3-4 months to acknowledge this... as a crush, of sorts (f-fail). Things kept developing between them until they got physical and... Umeda saw them. But they fail and they still don't know (I'm not sure if it would affect them much, though I bet Akiha would be a hell of a lot more confused regarding Umeda). Anyway, even with that, things were sort of stable between Umeda and Akiha, until Umeda's anniversary post happened and... everything asploded. :D
1) Their conversation in the post:
Akiha felt really really bad that he made Umeda feel worse by giving him the photographs and making him homesick. That moment, where they were nothugging and whispering, Akiha's brain was mostly focused over the fact that Umeda was feeling like shit and he couldn't do anything to help it, just... be there for him. And talk, and promise things he wasn't even sure he'd be able to fulfill, then Umeda said he didn't want Akiha to stay behind, asked him to stay the night, and kissed him hard, in that order. All of that made Akiha feel very confused because Umeda doesn't usually admit that he wants to be around him, and then the kiss, wow. What. But he decided it was all to blame on Umeda's homesickness and didn't question it any further; he was perfectly willing to spend the night with him, until The Fight happened.
2) The fight:
This... wouldn't have meant so much to Akiha if Umeda hadn't interferred, actually. But because he saw Axel hitting him, and because he started talking to him in front of Akiha, things sort of went to hell. In a way, he felt weak, and powerless, and just... bad. He didn't want Umeda to see him like that and more importantly, he didn't want to make Umeda's day worse. He's an adult and he can take care of himself (he just didn't want to, at the moment). Also, at that moment he was feeling really angry and ashamed, which is also why he left like that; because he knew that if he kept listening to Axel, things would only get worse.
PART TWO.
This thread has been... wow. Akiha was already feeling guilty for reasons mentioned above + not being able to keep his word (re: staying the night). So when Umeda walled him and started demanding explanations, he shut down completely. Like, he knew he had screwed up and he shouldn't have said that thing about Axel winning
out loud, but WTF SEMPAI DO YOU THINK I DID ALL THAT ON PURPOSE PLS STOP MAKING ME FEEL LIKE THE WORST SHIT EVER THIS HURTS. And then he did and things sort of... got better. Then he mentioned his moments with Ayame and I swear to god, Akiha had no idea what he was talking about (I'll expand on that in a bit), then there was the SUPER POSSESSIVE MARKING MOMENT (I'll expand on that too) and then BAM. KISS. Again, Akiha didn't see that coming at all and he was really happy about it, but still kind of uncertain as to Umeda's reasoning behind it, which is why he asked if he was drunk. Then Umeda tried to dodge by saying Akiha was complaining and... yeah "NOT LETTING YOU GO TILL YOU ANSWER" "I FELT LIKE IT K" "...k" Which left Akiha uh... pretty much blank and asking himself what was he expecting. Of course Umeda only kisses him because he feels like it, so why would this be any different? Then Umeda fucked up his knee and... we're there right now.So, with the first kiss, Akiha was like "uh... he was just homesick, right," and with the second one, he's "he was feeling horny because I marked his neck, that's all." Both are perfectly valid and logic excuses, but for some reason, they aren't working for Akiha and they're troubling him big time. There's also the fact that he feels sort of bad/guilty/uncomfortable about having kissed Umeda, because of Ayame. And like I mentioned before, I find this terribly because he never felt anything like this when he kissed Ayame before, but now with Umeda, it's like he's cheating on the snake. WHICH HE ISN'T, BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE THEY HAVE ANYTHING FORMAL OR WHATEVER, but he does feel like that and it's driving him insane.
This ties back to how Akiha didn't catch Umeda's not-so-subtle hints about his relationship with Ayame. Because you could say Ayame and Akiha are in a "friend with benefits" sort of relationship right now, but it's not that simple for Akiha. Ayame means a lot to him and kissing is, in a way, just another form of showing affection... mostly. He's starting to realize there might be not so innocent feelings involved there, but he really doesn't want to think about it because he's scared it will complicate things for Ayame.
Now, about that bitemark and the possessiveness issue. I mentioned this briefly to you on AIM when it happened, but... yeah. It seems that this whole relationship-not-relationship-whatever-thing with Axel is making Akiha insanely possessive of Umeda. Something he's always been, but never to this extents, I think. Unconsciously, Akiha's starting to fear Axel will take Umeda away from him, and he doesn't want that. It's different if they were in a relationship or whatever because then Umeda would be the one going away, willingly, (and in reality, it's still the same, but it certainly doesn't look like that to Akiha). He doesn't want Axel to put Umeda against him, or to start doing with him the things they usually do together, or to always have all of Umeda's attention. He doesn't want to be replaced. He doesn't want to be abandoned again.
But he also realizes that the more he clings, the more annoying he will become to Umeda and the more Umeda will want to be away from him. The mun realizes that most of this is ridiculous, yes, but Akiha DOESN'T. And he's been there for so many years now to just let someone who came along a couple of months ago take all that away.
I.
Yeah.
PART THREE.
Also, b-because I just remembered and I don't think I've never mentioned this before, but. Akiha is terrified of Umeda loving him. I mean, he knows he cares about him and he loves him as a friend, but you know what I mean. Because for all he claims to want to win Sempai's heart, he wouldn't honestly know what to do when/if it actually happened. Because, "what if Sempai's just doing it because he's tired of this whole situation?", "what if he doesn't really love me, but I've made him believe otherwise?", "what if I'm not good enough for him and just make everything worse?", what if, what if.
Yes, he's a retard. BIG NEWS.
Um... I dunno. Questions, comments, feedback, R&R plz?
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NUMERO UNO.
Akiha loves Ayame like he's blind. This statemente has never been more true because I think he can't really see just how important Ayame's became to him. It still amuses me how it started as something entirely playful and silly, and before they knew it, feelings started sneaking in and everything was lost. Or found, depending on how you want to see it.
As mentioned in the essay above, if he were asked to explain his relationship with Ayame, he wouldn't be able to do it, because yes. They're friends, but he loves Ayame more than just a friend. And they kiss sometimes, but he wouldn't call him a lover either. And they're not dating, but they're not friends with benefits and... yeah. He does have deeper feelings for Ayame that he's been avoiding thinking of ever since that conversation with Kio, because he doesn't know how or if this would affect Ayame negatively. He knows their friendship, in essence, would remain intact because he trusts both of them value it enough not to let other things get in the way, but basically, he doesn't want to mess with something that's good the way it is right now. Again, sort of like with Umeda. (My god, Akiha is such a coward, when I see it that way.)
Ayame is definitely one of the best things that have happened to Akiha since he arrived at camp, and currently, he's one of the most important persons to him, one of his constant sources of happiness and stability, even. He's someone with whom he can joke, prank, laugh, and just... be himself without having to worry about what Ayame will think. It took a bit of time, but he gained his blind trust and right now, there's nothing he wouldn't share with him. The funny thing is, he hasn't really shared all that much of his emo backstory or anything like that with him, mostly because it's never came up, and somehow, he hasn't really felt the urge to tell him about it (but he does want him to know). He figures he'll have his chance sooner or later, but why bring it up if it's not all that relevant, anyway?
He's very happy that they seem to be from the same world. Because regardless of whatever direction their relationship takes, he will still be able to see Ayame and visit each other, go out, have double dates and even travel. He really wants to drag Ayame to every warm corner of the globe and just, have good times together. Akiha had never had a friend like him before (mostly because he didn't allow himself to) and he's not planning to let go of this one any time soon, aka ever. He... truly enjoys Ayame's company that much, not just because he's fun and playful like him, but because he understands him on so many levels he can't even begin counting them. Now that their relationship's developed more, I don't think it's like "being in love with the mirror" anymore. They have far too many things in common, yes, but they also have different virtues and defects that complement each other and make them work together in fantastically dorky ways.
And, hmmm, as for recent events, he will never be able to thank Haruhi and Ayame enough for being there for him after the fight, not pressing him for answers, and also washing away the emo. He's honestly relieved Ayame wasn't there to see the fight because:
a) Ayame could have gotten affected, indirectly or not.
b) In spite of everything, he wouldn't have liked Ayame to see that side of him.
He knows Ayame wouldn't judge or hold that against him, but it's not exactly a part of his personality he's proud of (just like the snake with his own nasty side, I guess). Again, like with the emo backstory, I'm sure they'll have a time to deal with that.
NUMERO DOS.
Also, because it came up before. He is really starting to worry over the fact that kissing Umeda made him feel like he was cheating on Ayame. He knows that Ayame won't mind it or be jealous (probably the complete opposite), but he doesn't even want to bring it up with him and this is troubling him a lot. Again, because they're not really in a relationship.
(OR ARE THEY?)Like Swift said yesterday, this is most likely his subconscious betraying him about the fact that he knows the possibility of having a real relationship with Ayame exists, and he doesn't want to ruin that. (I don't think he ever kissed/had sex with Umeda while he was dating other people before, Akiha is really not that type of person.) I'll bring him out again this week and see how this develops, or not, but... yeah.Re: Sleeping Arrangements. SOHMA-SAN PLEASE DON'T EVER MOVE AWAY WITHOUT ME. D: Akiha is so comfortable living with Ayame it's not even funny. Of course, there are other people in the cabin, but they're not whom he sees first thing in the morning or last thing at night. And he's always been a big fan of sleeping with company, so he honestly loves the bedninjaing. Never mind all his complaints about the hot water bottle thing, in his mind, Ayame does nothing but spoil him. ♥
And... yeah. FEEL FREE TO INQUIRE FURTHER, IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO DO SO, because I probably forgot stuff.
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WHAT ARE AKIHA'S THOUGHTS ON RINHow would Akiha react if the guy Umeda's in love with came to camp?
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Akiha likes Rin. A lot. At first, it was mostly a matter of "she's fun to poke, let's poke her, pokepokepoke! |D" but it didn't take long for him to see that Rin had reasons to be all grumpy like that and then his demeanor switched from "pokepokepoke!" to "poke! are you okay? D: pokepoke" ... or something like that.
Also, he used to think she hated him until she acceded to give him advice on the Haruhi thing. As I've told you before, he honestly didn't expect she'd take him seriously, but she did and that really meant a lot to him. He got to see a side of Rin he'd never seen before and it was nice and he sort of feels a bit closer to her now. He's decided he'll tune down the poking in favour of real bonding, because he's interested in her, in a way.
Also, also, because he still wants to see her smile. ♥
Aaaand, wow. That's a tough one. I think it would be really difficult for him and it'd hurt a lot. Because, it's been painful enough for him to see Sempai flirting with other people who have zero emotional ties with him. And then... seeing Kijima in camp, being all cool and assholish while Umeda is all quiet and docile around him, letting him treat him like he's worth nothing.
It would both hurt and piss him off, actually. Because again, like with the other guys Umeda dates, it's something that he's aware of, it just... never happens before his eyes. And having that here in camp on a semi-daily basis would drive him insane. He'd either:
a) Avoid both Umeda and Kijima as much as possible
b) Confront Kijima on his own. And be all "STOP HURTING SEMPAI YOU WHORE. XO"
Also, I not-so-sekritly think this could get Axel and Akiha to make some sort of truce and fight together against the crazy asshole for Umeda's sake! Only maybe not, because Umeda wouldn't like the not-boyfriend maiming (TAKE THAT AS YOU WILL), but... yeah.
...
HINTHINT, SOMEONE APP HIM PLS.
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But I wanna know how he feels camp has affected his perspective or love life with Umeda.
Bonus: thoughts on Kio/Hime?
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Camp has affected his pseudo-love life with Umeda big time. Mostly at first, because Haru and I had both agreed that their relationship pre-camp was mostly centered on sexcapades, since Akiha's job didn't allow for lots of bonding and all that. Then Akiha got to camp and "SURPRAISE! You're not allowed to engage in the number one activity that makes your relationship with Sempai pseudo-functional, LOL!"
It was very awkward for him at first because he was scared that things would change and that Umeda wouldn't pay attention to him anymore. Thankfully, he was proved wrong! But it also made thinks awkward on the emotional side because they were actually forced to talk and spend time together y'know, not sexing.
On the positive side of things, he's gotten to know Umeda better and he's had a couple of realizations that have made him change his mind about their (not) relationship. His feelings for Umeda have not changed in the least (more like the opposite), but he has been able to rationalize and see different perspectives of what they have, thanks to camp experiences and other people's opinions.
Right now, as it's been mentioned before, he's mostly scared that Umeda will one day say he does love him but not mean it... or, just say it because he (Umeda) thinks he is-- I dunno, Akiha's retarded like that. But he's made a promise to Umeda and to himself that he will never ever leave his side, no matter what (unless Umeda wants him to, of course) and he intends on fulfilling it. He'd love to be the one who can make Sempai happy, but he'll be okay even if that's not the case. Because after all, he just wants to be able to see Sempai happy.
... I think I rambled too much there, uh.
As for Kio/Hime:
They're his camp OTP, both of them were two of his first camp friends and he finds that they make an insanely cute couple. They do still remind him of his own not-relationship with Umeda in some ways, but since he's become closer to them (particularly Kio) and he is in a similar situation, sometimes he feels bad because he wishes he could support both.
Another thing that makes him feel bad, is the fact that they're different worlds and that Kio is... well, Kio. What with the eternal crush on Soubi, the wife, Rikuou and all that. And Akiha can't blame him because he sees too much of himself in him, but he knows that this relationship has the potential to hurt both of them (especially Himejima) a lot, and he doesn't want that to happen. But of course, aside from the fact that it's already started to happen and he can't do anything about it, to a certain extent, he feels this might help them either tighten their bonds or realize that the relationship was never meant to be.
And that's growth, right? A-And... growth is supposed to be good, RIGHT? ;.;
pls dun break up kio-chan himejima-kun wah.ps: I take no responsibility for any typos or crappy grammar, I SHOULD BE IN BED.
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Uhm. Uhm. Well. You see....no subject
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And/or what are your thoughts on how Axel and Akiha are similar, and how this affects things?
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I'll come up with an actual question later. >_>
Still not your essay, BUT!
Except Suzumiya Haruhi always takes everything one step beyond. She walks into the studio with the airs of a queen and orders Akiha's team like they were her servants.
"I want tea."
"That light is too bright, turn it off."
"DON'T PULL MY HAIR!"
"Still waiting for my tea~"
"No, no, god, I can't believe you're getting paid for this. I'll take care of my own make-up, christ."
"Are you stupid? I said three spoonfulls of sugar!"
Ebi and the rest of the crew know better than to let her attitude get on their nerves, and whenever she starts complaining about something, they simply take a deep breath and apologize profusely. However, it has been four days already and Akiha can easily tell everyone is already starting to look more stressed than usual.
"Akiha..."
"Ah, yes?" The photographer emerges from his thoughts to look back at his ex wife.
"Listen, I know this is not your fault and... really, we're not blaming you for it, but..." Akiha knows that look. It's the look she always has when she's desperate and about to kick something... or someone, but doesn't want to let it show. He can tell because of the way her left eyebrow is twitching.
Akiha puts his hands on her shoulders and starts talking before she can elaborate. "Just two more days, okay? I know you can do this, it's a very important project, after all." He can tell his puppy eyes are not working on her because Ebi just keeps glaring at him.
"Pleeee~ase?"
"One of these days," she sighs, as she delicately removes Akiha's hands from her shoulders; "I'm going to quit. And you will cry and beg me to come back because you won't be able to find another make-up artist as good as me."
"I know you're the best, Kotobuki~!"
Ebi laughs, walking away and waving her hand at him. "Sure, sure. Flatterer."
Akiha smiles, satisfied, and turns back to finish adjusting his camera; it's only then that he notices another pair of eyes fixed on him, and he has to wonder how long she's been standing there.
"Ah, Suzumiya-san! I'm sorry, we'll start as soon as I--"
"It's Haruhi."
He blinks a couple of times, but she doesn't give him a chance to ask. "Haruhi's fine," she flips her hair casually, and suddenly she's not looking at him anymore. "Hurry up, I'm getting bored."
"...Yes, Haruhi."
The photographer is too busy fiddling with his camera, but from the corner of his eye he can catch the tiny smile she dedicates him as she takes her place on the set.
He has worked with models like her before, he thinks while he's looking at her from behind the lens. But none of the other models have a smile as honest and brilliant as hers.
Re: Still not your essay, BUT!
and i realize how horribly ooc i am with her gawd D:Re: Still not your essay, BUT!
Oh god woman wtf no.Re: Still not your essay, BUT!
[cries on you]Re: Still not your essay, BUT!
*HUUUUGS* I'm about to go to bed, but, talk to you tomorrow? ♥ D:Re: Still not your essay, BUT!
Night~One~
The first time they met, was just after Akiha had been wishing well'd and bitten by Kisame. Normally, that would have been a relevant thread, but Akiha's mind was a mess hten and he didn't really pay that much attention to her (other than the fact that she seemed to like photography too.) I remembered that the first encounter that "counted" for Akiha, was during her Naked Day pictures sale, but I couldn't exactly pinpoint why. So I went back and reread.
That was the first time she hugged/made body-contact with him O MAN I LAUGHED SO HARD.
But anyway, yeah. That little hug she stole there -even if it wasn't something serious- was what made Akiha more or less more aware of Haruhi and start picking her out from the rest.
Then he deaged, and even though he didn't particularly liked her at first, by the end of his deaging he was plotting with her to sell not porn of Umeda and stuff (that was also when he moved from Suzumiya-san to Haruhi-san), so that was another thing that sort of stayed in his mind after the fact.
And lastly, the thread that actually made Akiha stop seeing her as "just another person to have fun with," was during Kyouya's Sexual Deviants party... thing. It was when she asked him to just call her Haruhi and when she got him to talk about all the stuff that had been going with Axel. As you probably remember, I spazzed and wtfed a lot at that conversation because Akiha had been keeping all that to himself for far too long, and then all of a sudden, he was telling everything to Haruhi for no real, logical reason.
I think this would also be a good time to point out that before that, Akiha saw Haruhi as some sort of Mizuki figure; cute, happy, fun to tease. But aftert hat thread, she moved to "Ebi" status, in his mind. Because she kicked his ass to get him to talk and he actually liked that, AND IT FELT GOOD TO LET ALL OF THAT OUT and... yeah.
But yes, that was basically the last step it took for Akiha to start thinking of Haruhi in terms of "a real friend" and "someone I care for, have fun with, and want to protect." And with that, gradually came the possessiveness-protectiveness, the not wanting to make her cry, wanting to be by her side whenever she needed him...
Akiha doesn't see Haruhi as a little girl anymore. She's a beautiful young woman who's always breaking the rules and making a difference. She's smart, charismatic, fun, and a little crazy in the head, but that's also why he loves her so much. He can see a lot of himself in her whenever she pretends she's not affected by things, or when she says she doesn't care about others. He recognizes those as defense mechanisms, and even if they don't have/use them because of the same reasons, it's something that, at least in his mind, brings him closer to her.
Two~
Does he love her? Yes. A lot. She's definitely up there with Umeda, Ayame, and Kio as one of his most important camp persons. I think his feelings for her have gone all of the following stages at one point or another: outsider -> friend -> little sister -> friend -> not daughter -> Friend -> not girlfriend -> FRIEND.
Right now, I wouldn't be able to put into words exactly what he feels for her, because he considers her family, but he wouldn't treat her as a sister/daughter/cousin/whathave you. And he also find her damn pretty and intriguing and those aren't feelings one normally has for someone from your family (UNLESS YOU'RE A SOHMA LOL). As it's been mentioned before, yes, he would totally date her if the circumstances were different, even with the age difference. But as things are right now, he's more than happy with just having her as a "special friend" of sorts. He likes being her confident and he wants to be someone she can trust and turn to at any time. And if anyone ever hurts her in any possible way, they will die a very painful death, only not, because that wouldn't be punishment enough. He'll just make the rest of their lives (at least in camp) miserable forever because NO ONE TOUCHES HARUHI AND JUST GETS AWAY WITH IT. RAR. DX
Re: Axel, he knows the Nobody is really important to her. Does he like this? No. Can he do anything about it? No, just shut up and cope. He knows Axel is not a bad person when it comes to the people he cares about and that Haruhi also means a lot to him, but in some level, he can't help but feel like they're competing for her... attention/love. Kinda like with Umeda. He honestly hates the fact that Axel keeps "taking away" all the people he loves, and yes, he's aware that Axel is not taking them anywhere and that they aren't his (Akiha's) to begin with, BUT HE FEELS LIKE THAT AND AXEL RUBBING EVERYTHING IN HIS FACE DOESN'T HELP, SO STFU. On the upside, they haven't had any big fights lately
cause they haven't talked since the bitchsmacking lol, but that's given him time to think things over. He knows Haruhi is in the middle and he doesn't want to make her feel bad, so he'll probably try to be civil with Axel when they start talking again, if only for her.Re: Kyon, THEY ONLY JUST MET BUT I CAN TTLY TALK ABOUT THIS IF I WANNA. He knows he's important to Haruhi because of how she was affected when she left. It's good he didn't get to meet the first one, because that way he won't be biased against him. But yeah... he suspects he's not "just one more member of Haruhi's club." To tell the truth, he doesn't think she could be romatically interested in him (or Kyon in Haruhi), but because of the things he's heard, he figures their friendship is not just any friendship, so expect him to be poking his nose into that in the short future.
(Ttly gonna tease you both about it and try to play matchmaker ahaha >D)l-lol 1196 words and somehow I still feel like I'm missing something, but I can't tell what, I'm not even checking for correct grammar/spelling there. >_> UM, FEEL FREE TO ASK ME ABOUT ANYTHING? ♥
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